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Don't Ever Worry
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| Thursday, January 8th, 2009 |
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so...no one reads this..and thats awesome. its been YEARS since i used this thing. fucking weird. |
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| Sunday, October 5th, 2008 |
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| Sunday, March 20th, 2005 |
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So yeah, it's been a great weekend and I decided I wanted to write about it in here. I haven't been here in forever..Wow..Anyways..So my weekend, well part of my week too, that was pretty sweet too. Thursday was sweet because I had a dentist appointment and so did Kayla, and so we slept in. And then we decided to not go back to school. We (her, my mom, me) went out to eat..good times. She paid my phone bill which excited me, because I haven't had money in about 2 months to pay it and it was stressing me out not having any way of contacting people without being at my house 24/7. Another plus, I don't even have to pay her back this time :) Yay. Then we went home, hung out, Megan came over, I think Nick did too. Friday was good, I lifted some weights and I'm still sore. Ugh. Then I drew my ferret-bird in art class and Mr. Verbanic thinks I'm retarded. He was like "We have a test on these words next time, do you think you could manage to remember them, you've had them before and without them.." blah blah blah I was like yeah! I already know them! even though I dunno, I didn't even look at the words yet. Whatever. My farrot is hot. So that's all I care about :) hehe. Then I had drug ed, with Kayla, which always rocks because me and her with just start laughing about things, and Coach Gosnell is pretty much the coolest guy ever. Me and him always talk about Nick playing lacrosse, and he was telling me this time about how I should convince Nick to 'cut his split ends', I was like ok? lol. Watched a movie all about coke and how it came to be illegal. It was a good movie, from the History Channel. Fourth period was alright, we didn't have to take our quiz because we started whining and Mr Y being the awesome guy he is, was like fine we don't have to take it! Sweet. Then the pep rally came, and I walked alone because my class was all 10th graders and I had to find the seniors. So I did and I was going to sit next to Sam, but some stupid ass girl, wait I mean that girl Tina whom I've never even had a conversation with, or barely even glanced at before, who just 'can't work with me' because why? I don't know, don't know her but she must have all these ideas about me. Fuck that shit. Fucking bitch. Anyways but yeah she was sitting next to Sam, and I was just like okay sorry I don't want to sit next bitches and I sat by myself on the other side, where for some reason no one was sitting. I felt really stupid sitting by myself, but then Jon Houston sat next to me..Then Corey H and Antwoine sat in front on me. And Oscar came over and chilled with me. Then pretty much the lacrosse team sat with me..Steve B, Nick, Bill..It got fun. The Senior v Faculty game was hot, I want to go to that, I love basketball. And it was really funny to see them play. So it was good, Corey was supposed to call me Friday nite but he didn't. Oh well. I didn't work Friday and my mom and Todd went out. So Devin and Jed and Nick came over and we drank and smoked and played pool all nite. It was fun. Maceo called us and was like "danielle's in labor!" And that was crazy. Saturday was pretty sweet, I worked. It was terribly slow but I made decent money, all my tables were semi-big and they tipped pretty well. Diane had to leave early because her son was stuck on the side of the road in his car with no gas, lol, dumbass. But it was okay because no other customers came in. Devin picked me up from work, and Donathon (in his own car) came too. Aww it was good to see him. They dropped me off at home and went to some kid's house. The girls were all home, and we just chilled for a bit. Nick came over and Jed did too, so we ended up playing more pool. Smoked a little more. I drank more, lol. Then everyone left, and me and Nick sat and ate pizza bagel bites in my kitchen and talked. He kept calling me an alcoholic and I was like how would you feel if I called you a drug dealer? And he was like you wouldn't call me that, and I was like yeah because I'm too nice to you and he laughed. Then at like, 2 he tried to convince me to go out on a ride with him, but if my mom woke up and realized I wasn't home, she'd cut my head off, lol. So I declined. And now..I'm awake on a not so great looking Sunday. We WERE going to go fourwheeling and dirtbiking but it's crappy out. Oh well. It should still be a nice a day. |
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| Wednesday, November 24th, 2004 |
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I love Oasis. I think Kelly got me REALLY into them. I love Kelly. But not because she got me loving Oasis, but because she is so great. And like everyone else, but Kelly has stolen my heart. anyways Sometimes I freak out inside my head. Is that normal? I think that sometimes too..like the things I randomly think, do other people randomly think those things too? Sometimes I think about things I think I should not, like if I am pretty or not. And sometimes looking at famous people or people who have boyfriends, I think I am just..horrible. But then I look at myself, I don't think I'm ugly, I'm okay..and people tell me I am pretty..so I think "I am pretty, so fuck those stupid girls in my grade who make fun of me all the time" but then I tell myself to shut up because I am thinking I am narcissitic. (Spellcheck on that, please?) Okay. That was one random ass thought. Journals make you think too much, and when I think too much, I think I hate myself more and others more because I think go so much more in-depth than I really should. And I don't really like hating people, I just want to like everyone and have everyone like me, so maybe this is the real very true end of my journal. Hm. It's been a nice journal, for what, 4 years or so? It's helped me grow up and relieve stress, think about important things, blah blah blah...I dunno. I'm not so sure I need it anymore. It doesn't feel right writing in it..It used to be my life, writing down everything on this particular journal, everytime there was a problem, it was in here, every good time I had, it was in here. But now that I haven't had it in so long, it just doesn't seem as important. I have my more precious (handwritten) journals, that have definately more TRUE more complex thoughts,etc. in there. Which makes this journal seem like a cover-up to how I really felt and who I really am. This was my facade to everyone maybe..This is where I wrote the superficial details of my life, "Oh I am mad today..Oh I ate pizza today..I broke up with so-n-so today" Where as my other journal just broke all those little things down into what they really were. And in my other journals, I don't have a chance to backspace real quick or ramble on and on, or go and change a sentence to the way I want it to look...like this journal right here. Who knows, I'll prolly write a few more times, but I'm not expecting it. Oh well. Peace out guys. |
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| Wednesday, September 22nd, 2004 |
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Okay I fell in love today with the chick who took my senior pictures. *drools* She had dreads and a bandana on, and a yellow lotus flower on her wrist. She rocked..and she was really nice and kept playing with my hair and I was like ahh lol, it was so funny. Anyways..school was cool. Almost got my third late, but ah! I didn't. It was cool. Missed my detention, I went in to ask if I could reschedule and Mrs Holmes was like talk to your administrator but I'm putting you down as a no show. I was like um, but I did show up and I like started being a bitch and walked out. And the people in the detention already were like haha, when I asked if I could change it, and then when I was leaving, they were like your tattoo is cool. I was happy. Now I'm bored... So I'm off to find something to dooooo byeeee |
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| Friday, September 17th, 2004 |
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"And she sips her cheap red wine, sitting all alone. In her mind, she has nothing to give and nothing to keep, nothing to call her own. She longs for companionship, she longs for something she cannot put her finger on. Something has got to go her way, nothing has gone her way her whole life. And this time, she is too tired to fight it. She is too tired to fight; she cries. And she leaves this reality behind with another bottle of cheap red wine. Something to call her own, her own oblivion is all she has left." |
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| Thursday, September 16th, 2004 |
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Last night was alot of fun. I went to work, starting taking tables. Made like 25 bucks. Kelly, Brandon, Dustin and Ferg picked me up from work and we went to the liquor store. Me and Ferg split an 18pk and Kelly had some vodka, and we went to Fort Armistead. I reaaaaallly liked it there. It's some old fort from the Civil War, right on the Potapsco River or whatever, right by the Key Bridge. But anyway, we get there and Charlie and Mark show up, good times. I walked on the little boardwalk thing but the water and the dark creeped me out, so I walked back up to everyone and we climbed the hill to the actual fort. It's really neat, and is just all stone and shit. Down the stairs it is like a basement with cells and long creepy corridors and we were all exploring. It was my first time there though, I think everyone else had been there before. Then Dave came up and chilled with us, which made me happy because I didn't think he was coming and I was sad. So then we smoked a little and drank alot more, and it was a really fun time. Mark brought out the guitar and sang his songs and he's awesome at writing songs, so it was even better. Then we left and Dave took me home, and Kayla had pizza made, but she was the only one left awake. haha. So she gave us a piece each, and then he left, and I made eggs and toast and went and fell asleep. Today was pretty cool, chilled with Kayla, Deryck, Dave and Lauren at Deryck/Ray's house..played with Eliza, she's such a sweet dog lol, shes funny. We smoked alot and it was just so funny, and we were having alot of fun..and Terry..of all people, come downstairs out of nowhere and tells everyone to get out. What a fuck..Lauren didn't want to leave him there, but we definately had to go. Hopefully Deryck will come over and chill tomorrow, so it's cool. And now I'm going to take a shower. peace |
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| Tuesday, September 14th, 2004 |
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Ah .. Man, nothing like an emotional moment or two. Haha. Deryck just came over and me and Michelle are talking about funner happier things now haha, and it's aaaaalll gooood. Except now I'm really nervous, because I always get nervous when I start new jobs. Because I am so shy and like, I get nervous around new people and Jake and Kelly aren't going to be there . :-/ Damnit. I should just not go in at all.. And work at Taco Bell with mexicans so I won't have to talk to anyone because I'll tell them I can't speak spanish. Hm..Whatever, I'm going to go pick out something to wear and do my makeup I suppose. Peace. |
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I hate being home. That's why I was so glad to go back to school. I don't have to sit around and waste my days being blamed for the way things are. And I don't have to sit and think about them either. Although summer was pretty fun as well..Cuz I'm never home then. Thank god for getting a job. I might get a second one two. I'm so used to work 5 nights a week, and during the beginning of the week, so I leave Sunday thru Thursday working, then go out Friday and Saturday. Ugh..I really don't like crying. Or being in bad moods. And Michelle is like asking why I felt unwanted and I started crying more..lol, ugh I'm so gay. But more importantly..I had a really good day at school. And at 4:30 I get to go start my job, where I don't even really want to work at, but whatever. Waitressing is good money. |
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| Monday, September 13th, 2004 |
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I didn't sleep at all. It was cool. First period I just sat there and got bored. I've been in Geometry FOREVER! I'm tired of it..Goodness. Second period me and Megan and Brice just talked and stuff once we graded each other's papers. Third period, I talked to Chris in line for a little bit. Then Sam and Michelle and Lauren sat with me and Nick and Alex..but I kind of got the feeling I wasn't like..wanted to be there..I dunno, whatever. Anyways, then third period class we just walked around and hung up posters. I think he winked at me today, lol, aw it was cute though. Fourth period, I was so tired, and we got to pick out our patterns today..but she won't let me make the fucking dress I want or anything else..because she doesn't believe my measurements..I measured myself..my partner measured me..SHE measured me..And I told her my size..that we figured out TOGETHER..and she was like, we'll have to recheck you again.. So I'm making a purse. Do I even carry a purse? Besides when I'm on the rag? Nope..didn't think so. grrr. I signed up to make CLOTHES. Whatever. Came home. Me Kayla and Megan walked to Ralph's and smoked a few joints..Walked home, ate mac salad. Deryck came over, so did Stevie. Then Dave and Jake came over, we all went upstairs to use Mark's bong. Played some vicious MarioCart..Heck yeah. Then Dave and Jake left, and soon Deryck and Stevie did. Now I'm at my grandparents doing laundry, and my grandfather bought us Dominos. Waiting for laundry is soo...sucky. |
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| Thursday, September 9th, 2004 |
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i wrote this kinda funny note to Todd..my mom's exboyfriend..and as soon as I find a printer I'm going to print it..but for now I'm going to hide it in here so my mom doesn't see it on like Word or anything while she's using it, cuz she'd get mad..hehe..and then I'm going to tape it to his door and then egg his house tomorrow when Im fucking pissy drunk and then like..run away and prolly get in trouble, but I'm down for the fun times. :D to the scumbag of the earth.. this is a letter to let you know of what a horrible person you are. and i certainly hope you know, but just in case you don't..you are. now you do know. you have hurt my mother beyond belief, for no fucking reason. you have crushed, made her have hope, took it away.. for your own sick pleasure obviously, there's NO REASON for doing the things you do. you've torn our family apart over the past few years, let my mom create that company with you and take it away like the fuck you are. left us fucking poor..like you're fucking god or something. you do not ever have the right to do the things you've done. you must be fucking blind if you cannot see the damage you've caused. words cannot even express how i feel... you are nothing more than a hopeless alcoholic, who thinks he's awesome..when you're nothing. you're a nobobdy you are nothing special and you will never have anyone to really care about you. you know why? because you disgusting. even tho my mom thinks she's loved you all this time, she hasn't. and your wife. she didn't. they want comfort, they want support..and you give that to people so you get it in return. your children will grow up to hate you too, i promise. you think me and my sister are hard on my mom, and we love her to death. think of how you're children will treat you once they realize what a scumbag their father is. maybe it won't be til they are 20, maybe when they are 40..but they will see it just as my sister and i do. and everyone else who has ever heard about you, heard you yelling at my mother or heard of the way you treat her. i know so many people who would love to just cut your fucking throat, including myself..but they wouldn't dare step down to your level. they would never hurt a soul like you have done, they are good people unlike yourself. so in the words of my good friend, "fuck off you fucking faggot fuck." <3 Amber Robichaud it'll go something like that. |
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| Tuesday, September 7th, 2004 |
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So today was actually a pretty good day. Went to school, my schedule was changed. My geometry teacher thinks I'm a genius. She called me the 'resident expert.' Heck yeah I'm good. Did the whole school thing..chilled with Kelly at her place for a bit, then she dropped me off at my place. Chilled with the kids for a bit, called Dave, him and Deryck came over. We all just hung out. Meggie Su played the guitar like a motherfuckin' riot..dodododoo..Anyways um that was awesome when she did though, lol, oh god. Then we just basically sat around until about 7, and then Dave took me to Orchard Cafe and I got my job..niiiiiiiice. Haha..then he took me home..and that's the end of my day. Peace. (Oh yeah, and I am just crazy.) |
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today was fun and i want to do something, but there's nothing to do..maybe someone will call me and i'll have fun..maybe kelly will do her hw fast and we'll hang out..who knows... ahh but deryck is coming over, lol..i think we're smoking which wouldn't be so bad..hmm.. peace |
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| Monday, September 6th, 2004 |
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so i am happy.. but i don't think he is? which in turn makes me not sooo happy.. and worried..and nervous.. that he hates me. which would be no bueno.. nope, not at all. maybe i'm just crazy. |
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| Tuesday, August 31st, 2004 |
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School today was pretty cool, I didn't write anything about yesterday so I'll write something tomorrow cuz I can't remember it.. But yeah, today wasn't sooooo bad. First period I had guitar..with Colby and Kevin Malara and some other juniors I remember from last year..and Oscar is a music aid, and I talked to him for a bit. Second period, english 12, was okay..only 14 kids in our whole class. Ms G is kinda crazy, but she's pretty cool. haha. I had A lunch, and ate with Kelly and Jasmine, it was cool. Talked to Trevor in line then went to the other line with Kelly and made her stand in the end of the line with me. Then I went to Lit Mag, that I don't think I signed up for, but it seems okay, and made a poster with Austin. Nice. Fourth period was cool, Clothing and Construction class..Pretty cool...Now I'm aboutt o go smoke at Dave's I guess, he said Dave Wheeler is going to be there, and he's a pretty cool kid I must say. Then I think Kevin Chamberlain and Kayla are going to hang out, so maybe I'll hang with them tooo.....whooo knows... Peace. |
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| Sunday, August 29th, 2004 |
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School is tomorrow. Me and Kayla and Megan are going to smoke a blunt before school, haha..it's going to be hilarious. Then Chris Leonard is going to drive us there, and..I'm meeting Jenny at the phones before going to the auditorium or the cafeteria..cuz I guess seniors go to one or the other and me and Kelly are going to be in the same place (alphabetically it makes sense, so we figured so..)so we're going to meet when we go there. Then hopefully we'll have some classes, or lunch together or some shit. Neat. I hope we do, because I don't have any other friends really in school, not most who I want to hang out with anyways..Maybe I'll have some more classes with Gary and Shaun and them lol...And I have to take a sophomore class, and like an 11th english class, so I'm crossing my fingers for one of the girls or Jenny to be in some of my classes. Good Luck everyone. |
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| Tuesday, August 24th, 2004 |
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The past few days have been pretty good...Smoked over a quarter with Kayla and Megan on friday...that was insane..Got drunk with Kelly and Dave and Brandon and Jake the ohter nite..like saturday or sunday? Saturday I think..I dunno..Did whatever...no it was sunday I think I don't remember Saturday..Last nite me Kelly Brandon Dave Quentin and Jake went to see Napoleon Dynamite. It was funny..again. Today I went to Cheeburger and said hello to Aaron and Rod and Christina and Jose..And Bought food...And now we're about to go smoke with Randy..and hopeful Dave will call me..and I'm going to call Kelly soon.. The end. |
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| Saturday, August 14th, 2004 |
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Yesterday was a pretty good day. We went to see my greatgrandparents in the nursing home. They seem to be doing well there. Oh, it was so funny, my greatgrandmother starts telling us this story..and all of a sudden my greatgrandfather was like "Darling..did I say you could talk?" Ahaha..thank GOD she's freakin' deaf as crap. lol. He's definately my favorite person on this planet, whether he can remember who I am for the most part or not. I forget what else we did, whatever. Then today we spent all day getting ready for my greatgrandmother's surprise 87th birthday. We went to the nursing home, and I hung out with my greatgrandfather til it was time for the party. He kept kicking this old lady's wheelchair, and finally she turns around and he pointed to some other lady trying to blame it on her. He's such a smartass haha. I told him he could only come to the party if he was good, and he was like it's my party! I was like no way dude, it's Ninna's (my greatgrandmother) and he was like yeah, well I'm the life of parties anyways. Haha. So finally we get into the party room, and Ninna walks in, and we're like SURPRISE! And she was like oh goodness..and then she was like..whats the surprise. Ah..old people. lol. I pretty much spent the whole time with my cousin Paul, who's between me and Kayla's age, and my greatgrandfather. We all just talked. We gave him cake and ice cream, and he has got to be one of the messiest eaters ever! hahah, we were just like, did you want some in your mouth? He was like ahah very funny guys. lol. But he has alzheimers, so he starts talking to us at one point saying, he woke up at 6 in the morning because of 'Code Red' or something..And then how the other day him and these guys went to the woods and they chopped a guy's leg off. We were like oh yeah? And my uncle came over, and was just like yeah, too bad he's most likely serious, it was probably some old Mafia shit he did, we were just like yeah we definately didn't doubt him. He's a badass. Aww, I love him. I wish I could spend so much more time with him and my greatgrandmother, they are such awesome people with such stories to tell. But yeah...it was definately an awesome day, I had an amazing time seeing them, and my greatgrandmother started crying when we had to leave her, it broke my heart...so either my birthday or Christmas time, I promised I'd come back up and spent alot more time with her. So I can't wait until then :) As much as I hated being here in the beginning, I'm so glad I came...I always do this..I hate it at first and then I'm like ah, I don't even want to go. (I was also pmsing when I wrote that last entry haha, that could be a little bit of it) No..but anyways..I got to see sooooo many relatives I haven't seen in maybe, 10 years for some of them...And my grandfather gave me and Kayla some money for school shopping in case my dad doesn't take us. I told him I was going to pay him back though, I don't like taking money from them..I want my dad's money anyways, lord knows I haven't seen any of it ever. Hah..Anyways Peace out. |
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| Friday, August 13th, 2004 |
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I just saw the hottest 50 year old ever on the Bowflex commercial.. There's no way she's 50 dude. Holy crap. |
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Chris Gizzi rocks my world. hahah. :) IzanPride: i wanna take u out to dinner and a movie IzanPride: straight up IzanPride: my treat Hopefully, he is just as nice as he was before to me. Hm. |
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Don't Ever Worry
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confused.
content.